Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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