She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
