Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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