Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
