Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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