I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
