last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
