she looked like the before picture.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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