...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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