Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
