I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
