Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
