Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
