Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize