My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
