I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
