Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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