How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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