just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
