I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i've created a new STD.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
