We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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