went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this hospital has no fireball
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
