That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
