I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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