It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
