The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
