Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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