so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
