He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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