what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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