Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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