the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
