I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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