The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
