one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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