I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
