even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i think i have two assholes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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