i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
