It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
