my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
