What a fucking waste of an outfit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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