I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
