you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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