i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize