there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
