Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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