My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
