no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
