then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
