I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
