Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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