There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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