Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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