Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
