I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
