I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
