Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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