You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mom said you looked used
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
