I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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