I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
