does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
