Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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