Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
