hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
