Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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