So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
