girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
honey bunches of taint.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
