i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
