I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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