i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My cat gives me a boner
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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