I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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