So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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