i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
