Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
