I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
