I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
