i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize