Someone shit on the floor
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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