Can i not drive my cunt home
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
