Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
