no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize